#36
Domestic Violence, Children, and the Healing Path of Martial Arts
Domestic violence is often spoken of as something that happens between adults — a husband and wife, a couple behind closed doors. Yet in so many households, some silent witnesses carry the weight of every insult, every slammed door, every blow: the children.
For a child, home should be a place of safety, laughter, and love. But for those living in violent households, home becomes the most dangerous place of all. It is where they learn to hold their breath when footsteps approach, where they read the temperature of a room not by words but by the tension in the air, where they begin to equate love with fear.
These children are not passive bystanders. They are victims. They may not always bear the bruises, but they carry the scars.
The Hidden Wounds Children Carry
When a child grows up in a home marked by domestic violence, every aspect of their development is touched by trauma.
- Emotional wounds: Fear, anxiety, and constant hyper-vigilance become second nature. These children often live in a permanent state of “fight or flight.”
- Behavioural changes: Some individuals become withdrawn and invisible, while others act out aggressively at school, mirroring the behaviour they observe at home.
- Academic struggles: Concentration and learning are difficult when safety is not guaranteed. Many fall behind in school.
- Identity and self-worth: Children internalise messages — “I am weak,” “I don’t matter,” “This is normal” — and these beliefs can last into adulthood.
- Generational cycles: Perhaps most tragically, children who grow up with violence are more likely to repeat the cycle — as victims, or as perpetrators.
This is why addressing domestic violence is not only about protecting adults.
It is about saving the next generation.
Where Martial Arts Fits In
I have spent most of my life in martial arts. I began as a student searching for direction, and over the decades, I grew into a coach, a leader, and now World Vice President of the WKA.
Along this journey, I have learned something profound: martial arts is not just about combat — it is about transformation.
For children from violent homes, the dojo can be a sanctuary.
It offers three things many of them desperately lack:
1. Structure
In homes defined by chaos, martial arts introduces discipline and order. The simple rituals — bowing at the door, lining up with respect, repeating movements with focus — create a rhythm that feels safe. In a dojo, rules are transparent and fair. Respect is given, and respect is expected. For a child who has lived in uncertainty, this structure becomes a lifeline.
2. Empowerment
Domestic violence strips children of their sense of control. Martial arts restores it. Learning how to punch, kick, block, or throw is not about preparing for a fight at home — it is about rediscovering strength. A child who once flinched at every loud voice begins to stand taller. They learn that their body is capable, their voice matters, and they are not powerless.
3. Community
Violence isolates. Many children feel they cannot speak about what happens at home. The dojo creates a new kind of family — one built on encouragement, camaraderie, and shared growth. They find instructors who believe in them, peers who cheer them on, and a culture that rewards effort over fear.
Stories from the Mat
Over the years, I have worked with countless children.
Some came from supportive homes; others arrived carrying burdens too heavy for their age.
I remember one boy in particular. His father was violent, his home filled with shouting and fear.
When he first stepped into the dojo, he avoided eye contact, kept his shoulders slumped, and seemed to shrink into himself.
He trained quietly, almost invisibly. But little by little, something changed.
He learned to bow with pride.
He learned to kiai — to shout from deep inside his chest — and in that shout was the sound of a child reclaiming his voice.
Years later, he is a young man who carries himself with dignity.
Martial arts did not erase his past, but it gave him the tools to shape his future.
This is not an isolated story.
I have seen it repeated in children worldwide.
That is why I believe so passionately that martial arts is not a luxury for children — it is a necessity, especially for those growing up in the shadow of domestic violence.
My Personal Mission
As the WKA World Vice President, I see martial arts not just as a sport but as a social force.
World championships, our schools — they are not only competition stages. They are platforms for change.
I know this because I have lived it.
Martial arts gave me confidence, identity, and purpose.
It taught me to lead, not just to fight.
It has shown me again and again that a child who trains with respect, discipline, and encouragement will grow into an adult who carries those same values into the world.
This is why I have dedicated my career not only to governing and promoting martial arts globally, but also to ensuring that it reaches those who need it most — the vulnerable, the overlooked, the children whose lives are too often marked by fear.
Building a Safer Future
If we truly want to break the cycle of domestic violence, we must think beyond reaction and towards prevention. Martial arts can be part of that solution.
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Federations and clubs must actively reach out to schools, shelters, and community organisations.
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Instructors must be trained in trauma-informed practices, understanding how to support children sensitively.
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Programs should be designed not just for trophies, but for healing — offering safe, affordable, and accessible training to those at risk.
Imagine a world where every child living in fear has the chance to step onto the mat, to bow, to train, to shout, to grow.
Imagine a world where martial arts becomes a shield against the cycle of violence.
A Final Word to the Children
If you are a young person growing up in a home filled with violence, I want you to hear this:
You are not defined by what you have seen. You are not powerless. You are not alone.
Martial arts is waiting for you.
Not to make you a fighter against your family, but to make you a warrior for yourself.
On the mat, you will learn to stand tall.
You will learn to breathe through fear.
You will learn that respect is your right, and dignity is your birthright.
That is the gift martial arts gave me.
That is the gift I have seen it give to countless children.
And that is the gift I will spend my life fighting to share.
Because the true legacy of martial arts is not medals or titles.
It is healing.
It is empowerment.
It is the breaking of cycles so that the next generation can live free.
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